A day in the life....

I am a cop's wife.  And a soldier's wife to a weekend warrior.  Double-edged sword?  Hmmmm.  Sometimes.  Particularly right now when my husband is going through a shift change at work and an Army weekend falls in the middle of it.  It means that he ends up working 8 to 10 days straight and I end up wearing his stress like a scarf. 

Sure, these times are stressful but it's important that I remember that both of his occupations bring a great sense of pride to me and our children.  It is important to me that we constantly remind our kids that it is an honor that their daddy serve in these two meaningful ways.  It's important to me that they see him as a hero through everyday acts, not grand gestures.

I am often struck by how much we downplay the hero thing to other people.  If you approached my husband and said thank you for your service or some other heartfelt compliment, he would simply nod his head and be grateful.  He would then say to me that he is not a hero.  He thinks that the fact he has not been in major combat in the military (although he was deployed for over a year) or that he has not executed a drastic rescue or something similar in the police department contributes to this perception he has that he is not a hero.

I beg to differ.

I am married to a man who has many faults.  He has weaknesses.  But he wears his heart on his sleeve.  There is no person on this planet who is as loyal as he is.  This man puts on a bulletproof vest four days out of seven, wearing it for ten hours or more each day.  He knows that any call he is sent to has the potential to end with someone going to jail or his own life in jeopardy.  This man puts on a camouflage uniform two days each month and sometimes more to direct and mentor the soldiers that report to him.  He lives with the reality that he could get a call at any moment tell him he is getting mobilized again and that he is going to have to find a way to deliver that news to me and our children.  Let me tell you having experienced it, that is not a conversation you want to be on the receiving end of. 

We are simple people with hectic, brain-scattering schedules.  We know that all that we do begins and ends with our family.  We live with fear of the unknown and downplay its realities.  We would never say to you that my husband is a hero or that we are because we support him.  We appreciate when someone does recognize us for it but promise it doesn't go to our heads.  Our main goal is to come home to each other at the end of each day to share a meal, a bedtime story and some laughs.  There's really nothing more important than that. 

The point of my post?  Life is crazy.  I need to do a better job of reminding myself of that during times of stress.   It makes no difference that my husband downplays his hero-ness.  He's still one to us.

Halloween!

Halloween is always a favorite time of the year in our house.  We've already been working on the Halloween-themed hair bows and I decided to take a stab at this.  I saw so many cute versions of these on Etsy but knew I could make my own for less.  I love the way it turned out.  

The power of remembering.

I sit here with tears forming in the backs of my eyes, remembering where I was and how I heard the news of the 9/11 attacks ten years ago today.  Like so many others, I know exactly where I was and can replay those hours minute by minute in my mind. 

I was working as a recruiter in the Galleria area of Houston, TX.  I arrived to work at 7am that morning, as I usually did to try and avoid the crazy rush hour traffic.  One of my coworders came in later and said that there were reports of something hitting the World Trade Center in New York.  I feel guilty admitting this now, but honestly, most of us just went back to work.  Then more activity began to pour in - emails, phone calls, people stopping by.  We turned on the only television set in the office, a small 10-inch thing that got horrible reception.  We watched through the "snow" the reports about the tower and saw the second tower get hit.  I remember thinking, what the hell is going on? 

We were frightened.  We worked on the 15th floor of a medium-sized office building.  While it seems irrational now, we were terrified of a plane flying into our building as well.  Our company allowed us to leave for the day if we wanted to.  I remember going with a few coworkers to meet my husband at a nearby restaurant.  The place was packed and murmuring about what just happened.  Everyone huddled together, thankful to be with each other and wondering what would be next. 

At the time, I was pregnant with our first child.  I watched the reports on television thinking, what kind of world am I bringing my child into?  I was absolutely stunned by the footage of people jumping to their deaths from the highest levels of the towers.  Of all the images I saw, those are the most horrific to me and I will carry those with me for the rest of my life.

The impact of that day changed our own lives in so many different ways.  It changed how I approached parenting.  I knew I had to prepare my new child for the challenges she would face growing up.  But now I needed to prepare her for evil that existed in the world and help show her how to provide light in a seemingly world of darkness.  My husband completely changed careers and went into law enforcement.  Also in the Army Reserve, he was called to serve in Kuwait during Operation Iraqi Freedom. 

We live with a permeable presence that there is something bigger in our lives that we are called to serve. 

I am heartbroken for all those who lost their lives ten years ago as well as their families.  I can only imagine the enduring sense of loss they must feel.  I hope they know that each of us carries a piece of their pain in our hearts and lifts their sorrows up to God.  Together, we push forward in an effort to help those that are hurting to carry on.  I know how unimaginable it was ten years ago to think that this day would come, a day in which we open a new memorial to commemorate all that was lost. 

I pray for peace.  I pray for it everyday even though I know there is evil in the world that must be stopped.  Peace should always be our end goal, regardless of the road we travel to get there. 

I hope for normalcy.  I hope for it every day even though we live in a world where we are more intuitive about our surroundings and are constantly looking around the corner anticipating what might happen.

I am constantly reminded of the blessings in my own life and how fortunate I truly am.  I will never take for granted the gifts I have been given or those that exist in the world to protect and serve me and my community.  Firefighters, police officers, soldiers and and many others who voluntarily put their lives on the line to rush into the most horrible situations while we are trying to rush out.  I  give my most heartfelt love to all those individuals that do not choose those careers but somehow find themselves in the path of danger and end up faced with unimaginable choices as they were ten years ago.   

God bless us all.  I will never forget.

"Love knows no limit to its endurance, no end to its trust, no fading of its hope; it can outlast anything. Love still stands when all else has fallen."

"Eye of the Beholder" - a photo from our garden.