I am pretty successful at what I do at work. I put a lot of effort into it and the results illustrate that. However, I think my most important job is the one I have of raising my kids and it seems to only get tougher as they get older.
It wasn't easy when they were young but in hindsight, it was easier. Don't get me wrong - the newborn feedings, potty training and the terrible twos that started at 18 months were all brutal. But my primary job was to feed them, give love and teach them the basics like walking, feeding themselves, going to the bathroom. Often these were a struggle but didn't require a great deal of thought or emotional stamina. Apparently they didn't require a lot of sleep, either.
Now my kids are 10 and 6 years old. I have a girl who is on the cusp of teenage-ness and I am thankful that she still clings to being a little naive. The signs are there, though. She is blossoming and soon we'll be talking about sex and boys and UGH. Just. Plain. UGH.
My own mom wasn't exactly June Cleaver and pretty much checked out on me by the time I was 14. So I don't have a lot of experience to draw from in the molding-a-teenage-girl department. Quite honestly, I am terrified that I will screw this up. I am always wondering if I am giving her what she needs or if I need to let her figure it out on her own. It's like balancing on a tightrope made of dental floss.
Recently, she has been subjected to some crappy behavior by one of her so-called friends. I started by telling her to stand up for herself and tell the girl off but then backtracked quickly. I had to remember that my confidence was built from years of experience and she is not where I am. She is not me. WHOA. That was a lightning bolt, for sure.
I started over. We talked about how important it is that she not chase after someone else to gain their affection. Yes! Definitely a good lesson for a girl. Heading in the right direction. I told her she did not have to participate in conflict just because someone else had a penchant for creating it. She could choose to simply ignore it and choose new friends. I need to remember this one myself! I reminded her of how loved she is and she should always surround herself with people who love her and truly appreciate her. I mentioned some names of friends who make her feel this way and it brought a smile to her face. It dawned on me that this could be the start of her feeling bullied and I needed to establish some sort of foundation for her self esteem. The whole issue of bullying frankly scares the CRAP out of me. No parent wants it to happen to their kid but what if it does? Another UGH. We ended our conversation with me telling her to examine the situation she is in with this friend so she can make a decision about the types of relationships she wants to be in. Never chase another person's affections.
She was smiling. I felt good about it. Was it enough? I don't know and not knowing terrifies me. One day at a time, I remind myself. I just hope the culmination of those days produces a woman who is happy with herself and the life she chooses to live.
I'll end with a little prayer to God that He will give me the strength, wisdom and courage to help my daughter navigate these challenging years. It's the most important job I've got.
Can someone please pass the wine????
